It's happened to us all (and we probably all do it/have done it)...you should do this, you should do that, if you did it that way it would work better. This seems to start in childhood and continues on throughout life, but it really seems to ramp up once you get pregnant. "You shouldn't be eating sushi!" "Sandwiches carry bacteria, don't eat them!" "You dyed your hair?!?" "Wow, you're really big!" or on the converse (depending on who's saying it of course!) "Wow, you're really small, I was that size at 6 months, are you sure your baby is growing ok?" For the record, I did (and heard) all of these things, well, except for the sandwiches, because I like them heated and still eat them that way. So you think it's bad when you're pregnant...wait until the kid is born! The majority of the perpetrators seem to be in the grandparent and/or senior citizen category, and when they see a baby, they ALWAYS come up to talk to it, tell you about their grandkids, usually a nice little conversation that you may or may not be able to end quickly. They automatically get a 5ish minute pass of saying whatever they would like to, while I politely smile, nod, & answer questions before trying to finish up whatever I'm attempting to do before a kid starts losing it.
But when I think of unsolicited advice in the special needs realm, this is our experience that comes to mind first. Let me give a background: We were in a Bank of America trying to close a checking account of mine from college. This account had something like $50 in it, but they wouldn't let me do it over the phone, so we schlepped ourselves to the bank branch. I was pregnant with J2, J1 was in the stroller and we were in Coronado, where you walk out of your back door and it feels about 72 degree, but then you get down the street and it seems to be 50. Needless to say, we were probably not dressed for the weather...this happens to us alot. All of this to say that J1 was in a pair of cargo shorts, socks, and a short sleeve t-shirt. It was right after he was diagnosed, so a little after age two. We're standing there, minding our own business with J in cheapie umbrella stroller that we normally keep in the car. As luck would have it, a little old lady walks in and stands in line behind us....and she looked like a talker. We knew we were in trouble.
We used the 'ole 'no eye contact' trick...it did not work. It started innocently enough, 'oh what a cute little boy...what's your name?' J, of course, did not answer...and then the real fun started. She commented on his shorts first, then somehow moved on to whether or not we were the type of parents to get a bounce house for his birthday party (of course not, not us!), because that was just a complete waste of money...yada, yada, yada. We were nearing my five minute limit at this point and the line was not moving any faster. She then asked him what he wanted for his birthday...no answer. So then we made the big mistake. Instead of just saying something like, 'Oh, he's just shy' and making our life easier, we explained that he had a speech delay. This is where it all went down hill.
She explained that if they just made strollers where the child faced their parents (we have one), and kids' parents just talked to them more (we do, god, we do!), all of these speech delays wouldn't be an issue. In all honesty, I could tell that K was starting to get pissed, and as usual, my natural reaction to when K starts to get pissed about something like this is to laugh. So I did, and she kept talking. K walked off with J and I just kept trying not to laugh, but as you probably know, you try not to laugh, it only gets worse. She was still talking, something about parents using the schools to do their parenting work, I'm not really sure, I was trying to employ the ABA technique called extinction. Ignore it and it will stop. It did not work, ABA failed me that day.
We were called to the counter first, my account was closed quickly with minimal hassle, at least as little hassle as you would expect from Bank of America. I was gathering my (of the irony...all of this for 50 bucks so that I wouldn't have to pay a fee every month) cash, she was called up, she grabbed a handful of the free suckers from a basket handed them to me, and told me 'you should take these, they are probably worth more than the interest you are earning on your account.'
Now, she was quite the spitfire, and I'm not sure if I should hope to be like her when I'm 80 or not...but I'm thinking not. Sooooo, if you're ever waiting in line and someone walks away from you, the other person is laughing, and then they turn away and attempt to ignore what you are saying, just stop talking, because you have probably offended them. Again, 5 minutes, I'll listen to just about anything, but after that, all bets are off.
No moral to this story, just something I was thinking about this morning as I was paying bills, thought I would share it with all of you, take what you will from it.
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