When 'First, Then' doesn't Work....

Another phrase that you will hear in our house many (many!) times a day is 'first, then.'  It generally works phenomenally well with J.  He has several things that he LOVES, the current faves are hot wheels cars, raspberries, and any sort of candy (but this can work with anything that he is asking for).  Maybe I want him to sit with us at the table and eat his dinner.  He might want to sit at the table rolling his cars and avoid eating whatever vegetable is on his plate.  (Oddly enough, he will usually eat all the vegetables before touching mashed potatoes...I do sometimes wonder if this is really my child...really, no mashed potatoes).  It starts like this, J, take a bit of ______, no response.  One of us takes his car, J, 'first _____, then car.'  And sure enough, it works like a charm every time.  We gradually increase to J, eat 5 bites, 2 of whatever meat is on the plate, 2 of whatever veggie is on the plate, and 1 'no thank you' bite of the potatoes.  Maybe I want him to hug J2, or me, or K, it always works.  I have found that he has many skills we didn't think he had by using 'first, then.'  In general, if it isn't worth his while, he won't do it...not sure I blame the kid!

As an aside, it also works with husbands.  'First _______, then beer.'  'First_____, then ice cream.'  Ask K, he'll be honest, it's amazing.  I'm trying it on the pugs, but it's...um...slow going.  Try it sometime on your kids or spouse.

Today, it failed us.  J has started to do this vocal thing that I can only describe as a grunt (sometimes I don't think he even knows that he does it, so we just tend to ignore it), he's also started doing a high pitched shriek in public, in addition to yelling 'yucky poop' every time we walk in Home Depot.  I do not know why he does this, I can only surmise that he relates it to what we say to him to motivate potty training, but he has turned it on us, and laughs as he yells this.  It has become a game...an embarrassing one.  We tried 'first, then'...'first quiet voice, then fruit snacks.'

Wow, it worked...while he ate the fruit snacks.  He continued to do this throughout Home Depot (my apologies to anyone who witnessed this and thought we were just ignoring him for no reason), so we thought, well, maybe if we just ignore him he'll stop.  No attention usually = decrease in behavior...didn't work.  We also has another trick that works...numbers and letters, any and all.  So let's say he's started with his mischief, you can ask him to count just about anything...lights usually work well.  Or you can ask him what letters he sees.  Distraction is key, and this always works...even today.  J2 usually impatiently waits in her baby bjorn while munching on a mum-mum.  I'm pretty sure she thinks we are all bananas (and I'm pretty sure she just barely tolerates frilly & pink - love this girl- so much spunk!).  This is the little face I see staring up at me when she's had enough:

 



I'm not saying K and I weren't chomping at the bit to get out of there.  We hurried out, loaded up the kids, had 30 seconds of silence and then started laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of it all - these kids own us.  Memories..this is what they are made of.